Monday, September 6, 2010

A Dumb Question.

Since i first started talking, before i started school my mom had a very precise and delicate piece of advice which was repeated along my 21 years of TALKINGHOOD, yet even with that precise repeated advice i still couldn't hold my tongue.

I really didn't have a hidden agenda or a back to back meaning for what i did but even so i felt guilty and selfish and a bit dirty, my question was a simple one and it came with a warning but still i was misunderstood, shes radiant and beautiful but my heart is claimed for.

my future is that of the unknown, I have no plans nor a vision for whats to come for I'm a prisoner of a system controlled by a government of no like..

Multiple nationality's and multiple passport cant give me a simple common right of having a relationship a romantic life or a wife..

engaging in a relationship will make me automatically forfeit one or maybe 2 of my nationality's and the right to stay with my family, the right to see my cousins and uncles and nephews and nieces, engaging in a relationship will shape my life into a Rubik's tube of which you turn and twist nob's to straighten it up but in my case there is no solution and there is no twisting and turning for there is only a single law that holds me hostage of my belief and faith.

regardless of my relationship status i cant drive a car i cant have a job and i cant do my residency in one of our local hospitals till things are sorted out.

For ten years, half of which I've lived partly illegal and partly legal, i was sitting in a fox hole a crack in the system of law, there was no way out and no way in for things had grown under and over me, until things calm down and things come to a resolution i will always be the same, a lost and frustrated and irresponsible person.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

EXAMS EXAMS EXAMS, All Over Again.....

9 hours left and i still feel like an ignorant ASS, the shit I'm studying is easy and its up my ally but for some dumb reason that doesn't exist i just cant remember what to write!!!

I wish all my exams were oral, id Ace them so hard that they'd BEG for a Rematch!! but i think im stuck to the usual kiss my ass type of exams where i do all the kissing...

Wishing my self all the luck

Sunday, January 17, 2010

A Night Out

I simply called just to check how thing were going 2 minutes latter i was invited for a night out with a friend and his Girl Friend, well its not a big deal i mean Ive been out with couple before i know how to have fun but when u get to a certain point when your agitated by just sitting there well thats what happened to me.

The Girl was Familiar, i didn't actiouly know her but yet i felt i did and i had my fingers crossed when i asked her something, well lets just put it this way i was RIGHT !!

the girl had typical features and resembled someone i previously knew and currently seek, she was charming and beautiful, she had that zing that makes a man happy, anyways before anyone judges me and tells me i was hitting on her well ill tell you your wrong !

The feeling that overwhelmed me was happy memories and frustration! the frustration came since the person she resembled isn't by my side no more yet the happy memories made my day and so i had a nice night out and came back home with a smile on my face.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

اسم من بين الاسماء

لقد وجدت اسمك بين الاسماء
فتمالكني الغضب وشعرت بالاستياء
تمالكني الذعر وتمالكني الكبرياء
ان اضيف اسمك الى قائمة الاسماء

اردت ان اناديكي وان اصرخ باعلى صوتي لتسمعني السماء
الى اني تراجعت
لاني تمالكت نفسي
ولاني قد مللت الحياة

قد كذبت على نفسي لمدى اعوام
كذبت على قلبي واضعت نفسي بالاحلام
حلم بانه هنالك من يوم
ساستطبع ان الفظ اسمك
دون ان اذرف دمعا
نزف بلون الدماء

لقد مرت ايام وتلتها ايام
احتكرك ذكراكي ذكرياتي
فلم اجد من مكان فارغ
لتحتلها ذكريات جديدة
خالية من الالام

راجيت ملاك الزمان وراجيت ملاك الحنان
بان يرجع الزمن ,بان يعدو الايام
لتصل عقارب الساعة الى يوم من الايام
كنت قد اقدمت فيه
على ايقاذ حيوان
حيوان شرس سكن جسدي وتملكني
لالفظ بكلمة
لالفظ بغضبي
لاعبر عن جسدي ,عن قلبي , عن روحي

لالفظ بكلمة امست كالسيف الخفي في جسدي
لالفظ بكلمة اذابت جلدي كاللهب المشتعل الذي تلفظه حمم بركان

لالفظ بكلمة
لالفظ بدوافعي

لاقول لك
من لحظة ما ولدتني امي
من اول لحظة تنفست فيها الحياة

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Blog Blog Blog Blog, Interesting !

45 minute to a major exam and i am facebooking and web surfing and listening to music as a hopeless bum from Manhattan.

I think somethings wrong with me, but ill just have to wait and see !