Saturday, July 4, 2015

Not getting any better any more.

We humans are a peculiar race..
We cry for joy and we cry for sorrow..
We try to break the limits.. for no logical reason
We love.. we hate...
We bring children to a world where peace is a myth of the past ...

We grow and we grow.
We grow bigger and bigger just to become small and helpless..

Its ironic how what we love the most can kill us.... bring us pain... body and soul.

These days I keep remembering that sentence that I memorized long ago..

Im getting too old for this shit ..

It was a movie quote and nothing more...
But now its the simple truth...

Yaraaaaab... my body is getting tooo old when my soul is so young..


Monday, August 8, 2011

سم الهاري..

احلى شي بالدنيا تحضر مسلسل عربي وتشوف واحد بسكر وفجأة يقوم على الحمام عشان ي............. زوووت بالمرحاض ههه

واول شي خطر ببالي

سم الهاري :P

Monday, March 28, 2011

Am I aloud back in?

Am I aloud back in?

A simple question with a high probability of NO after a big fight that was just a misunderstanding made BIG...

God forgive me for my sins, I'm upbeat and worn out.

Monday, September 6, 2010

A Dumb Question.

Since i first started talking, before i started school my mom had a very precise and delicate piece of advice which was repeated along my 21 years of TALKINGHOOD, yet even with that precise repeated advice i still couldn't hold my tongue.

I really didn't have a hidden agenda or a back to back meaning for what i did but even so i felt guilty and selfish and a bit dirty, my question was a simple one and it came with a warning but still i was misunderstood, shes radiant and beautiful but my heart is claimed for.

my future is that of the unknown, I have no plans nor a vision for whats to come for I'm a prisoner of a system controlled by a government of no like..

Multiple nationality's and multiple passport cant give me a simple common right of having a relationship a romantic life or a wife..

engaging in a relationship will make me automatically forfeit one or maybe 2 of my nationality's and the right to stay with my family, the right to see my cousins and uncles and nephews and nieces, engaging in a relationship will shape my life into a Rubik's tube of which you turn and twist nob's to straighten it up but in my case there is no solution and there is no twisting and turning for there is only a single law that holds me hostage of my belief and faith.

regardless of my relationship status i cant drive a car i cant have a job and i cant do my residency in one of our local hospitals till things are sorted out.

For ten years, half of which I've lived partly illegal and partly legal, i was sitting in a fox hole a crack in the system of law, there was no way out and no way in for things had grown under and over me, until things calm down and things come to a resolution i will always be the same, a lost and frustrated and irresponsible person.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

EXAMS EXAMS EXAMS, All Over Again.....

9 hours left and i still feel like an ignorant ASS, the shit I'm studying is easy and its up my ally but for some dumb reason that doesn't exist i just cant remember what to write!!!

I wish all my exams were oral, id Ace them so hard that they'd BEG for a Rematch!! but i think im stuck to the usual kiss my ass type of exams where i do all the kissing...

Wishing my self all the luck

Sunday, January 17, 2010

A Night Out

I simply called just to check how thing were going 2 minutes latter i was invited for a night out with a friend and his Girl Friend, well its not a big deal i mean Ive been out with couple before i know how to have fun but when u get to a certain point when your agitated by just sitting there well thats what happened to me.

The Girl was Familiar, i didn't actiouly know her but yet i felt i did and i had my fingers crossed when i asked her something, well lets just put it this way i was RIGHT !!

the girl had typical features and resembled someone i previously knew and currently seek, she was charming and beautiful, she had that zing that makes a man happy, anyways before anyone judges me and tells me i was hitting on her well ill tell you your wrong !

The feeling that overwhelmed me was happy memories and frustration! the frustration came since the person she resembled isn't by my side no more yet the happy memories made my day and so i had a nice night out and came back home with a smile on my face.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

اسم من بين الاسماء

لقد وجدت اسمك بين الاسماء
فتمالكني الغضب وشعرت بالاستياء
تمالكني الذعر وتمالكني الكبرياء
ان اضيف اسمك الى قائمة الاسماء

اردت ان اناديكي وان اصرخ باعلى صوتي لتسمعني السماء
الى اني تراجعت
لاني تمالكت نفسي
ولاني قد مللت الحياة

قد كذبت على نفسي لمدى اعوام
كذبت على قلبي واضعت نفسي بالاحلام
حلم بانه هنالك من يوم
ساستطبع ان الفظ اسمك
دون ان اذرف دمعا
نزف بلون الدماء

لقد مرت ايام وتلتها ايام
احتكرك ذكراكي ذكرياتي
فلم اجد من مكان فارغ
لتحتلها ذكريات جديدة
خالية من الالام

راجيت ملاك الزمان وراجيت ملاك الحنان
بان يرجع الزمن ,بان يعدو الايام
لتصل عقارب الساعة الى يوم من الايام
كنت قد اقدمت فيه
على ايقاذ حيوان
حيوان شرس سكن جسدي وتملكني
لالفظ بكلمة
لالفظ بغضبي
لاعبر عن جسدي ,عن قلبي , عن روحي

لالفظ بكلمة امست كالسيف الخفي في جسدي
لالفظ بكلمة اذابت جلدي كاللهب المشتعل الذي تلفظه حمم بركان

لالفظ بكلمة
لالفظ بدوافعي

لاقول لك
من لحظة ما ولدتني امي
من اول لحظة تنفست فيها الحياة

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Blog Blog Blog Blog, Interesting !

45 minute to a major exam and i am facebooking and web surfing and listening to music as a hopeless bum from Manhattan.

I think somethings wrong with me, but ill just have to wait and see !

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

An All Nighter

For years I've been pulling all nighters on the eve of every exam yet this one was a bit different, I had been through the same content more than 15 times before going through it another 500 during this particular night, after serious deliberations and Staff meeting's and banquets and inviting senior politicians, my mind was finally convinced that MCQ's are alote easier than a dumb ass Essay question that just tests ur ability to be a NERD, And by NERD i mean a fully and properly Diagnosed Neuro Epileptic Retard .

In Exactly six hour's and ten minutes  i will be free from the tyrant of the castle, free from my midterm's forever, well i might be exadurating so lets just say till the next semester so no one calls me a lier, In 6+ hours i will be on a bus to the middle of no where seeking something that doest exist at the hope of finding salvation which is just a fancy way of saying i might visit some friends in Sinai whom i haven't seen in a while, Hopefully whoever reads this would have the decency to pray for me and wish me the best of luck on my exam and my quest.

Until then See ya .

Saturday, November 7, 2009

A Moment Of Fear

Lying on the floor shaking, trembling ,was i dieing ? was i taking my last breath? i started asking myself if i wanted to die this way, do i want be found on the bathroom floor soaked in my own blood ? did i want my brother to die of fright and sorrow?!!

Thought's rushed through my head and i was trembling with fear i had no control over my shaking body, over what i had recognized as a seizure , my head was banging on the floor and my mouth was full of my own blood.

For minutes that felt like a lifetime i struggled to regain control and so i did, i pulled my weak body up and grabbed that in front of me afraid of the thought that i might collapse once more, praying that god may have mercy on my soul, I rose eager to rise and grasp upon my bravery, for bravery was to be my only ally and as such my ally came through for me and ignited my mortal body with the flames of power of which i eventually noticed were nothing but a fever of which my fears became a realistic dream and my fantasy's mist !

Deluginal and Drunken with pain i regained that of which was mine,That of which was my sane mind !!

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Life and its simple but cruel complications .

For some really stupid reason I've been going crazy for the last couple of days
looking at my current mental position in the world i see that i'm half dead half alive

some may start laughing at the fact of life and death holding hands in my case of insanity but its true

the state of life i have has much for whom to thank , friends and family , small ambitions and vision of the future of a more richer life, a better life.
a life in which i am judged by who i am but not by what language i speak or what nation i pledge elegance to or by what cause i choose to back.

every day that power of life is getting smaller and smaller and its diminishing by the minute

i wake up with all the hope in the world then i leave my bed and look at the mess my life is then i dose off into a fantasy world trying to think how and if i would ever tighten up my life.

my perspective towards life is kinda exotic as my thought and belief differs from everyone else
its not become i'm something special its just because i'm me and i'm not you and nor are you me .

on one is alike no one is the same we all live our lives in the way we please and we try to act as if we had the choice
choice itself is accepting an option of which was available to take , choice depends on situations and actions of elements and people around us , we have all the choices in the world we can jump run crawl or fly but at the end the most realistic and possible option is took.

every day i assess my life my friends my action, there action , i assess the world the political issues the news the school i go to and everything around me.
I finally reach to one conclusion , my thought and assessment of life will mean nothing if i'm not in a positions of power to act by what i feel is true and right

i must learn from my life my mistakes and the life and mistakes of other , take the good leave the bad , but take note of what and which one of those bad things can be relevant to me and effect my goals

i do my best to try to gain knowledge and understanding of the world but the world doesn't want that type of person they want a person that takes sides , they want a clear statement of your beliefs of your expectations and actions.

belief a world that means what i believe and i concentrate my view on the the letter the syllable " I " that refers to me.
the letter means its my business ,my responsibility, my future.

what u think that i think is not relevant to you.

its not relevant to them ,its relevant to me, to I.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

A Peice of shit aimed at girls

Whatever people say
whatever they think 

i am not obligated to conduct my personal life as anyone wants it .

I hate Palestinian girl , i hate Jordanian girl's , i hate Jordanian girls
i dislike Egyptian girl's

Want a reason sure ill tell everyone and discuss it with any one 

1-they wine a lot!!!
2-There have mood swings , sometimes i think im talking to a pregnant woman .
3-Always having some life threatening disease , im sick im tired my mom my dad, errrrrrrrrr
if you want attention then ask for it , but don't fuckin fuck with my mind and making me feel guilty.

4-They want you to dress the way they like and be hip , and i mean by hip is using the gay styles people use as waxing your hair like a broom and wearing slim pants with ur ass showing or your boxers.

5- they want you to feed them and give them money and call them 24\7 without giving anything back , i don't mean sexual favours i mean a word of thanks , it was a lovely night anything , no they leave like bitches and flip there fucking lips and grin as if u did something wrong since they want to be supper stars .

6- Please don't tell me or judge me , why the hell do people think i wanna marry an American or Russian or wateva western girl , im not horny for blonds , i cant stand having a blond as a girlfriend as a friend ya sure but i just cant imagine my self with a blond girl for a wife.

7-Make up addicts , Arab girl use tons of make up thinking it make them hot , i have that shiny or glittery lip stick, i hate blush and mascara , believe me a girl without make up is gorgeous , i don't care about flaws in her skin or some small pupil on her cheek , if u wanna use make up then moderate the amount u use , don't over due it

8-you want to be my lover but you don't want to be my friend , Arab girl want you to listen to there problems never want to listen to yours , want reference than go back to point 1 and 2

9-they want to be your and they don't want anyone to know except all the girls , no guys gotta know about it , well hun go slam your head on the wall i just don't care , if you feel ashamed if anyone know you love me then fuck off i dont need what your giving , you product is in stock by the million , just call hooker 119 free delivery!!!!

10-whateva , my thoughts are mine and there for me only meaning classified info unless i want you to know for some reason

My perfect girl

A happy girl , lovable huggable and cuddly
a girl that knows how to use make up and doesn't smear her face as if shes spray painting , a girl that would love or like me for who i am not for what i am or for what i am going to be , a girl that isn't ashamed for her decisions in a relationship , a girl willing to pay the price since a relationship is a 2 side job , its not a spa where im suppose to give u a free manicure baby , a girl that would give me my space , a girl that knows me and knows how i think and doesn't take what i say literally since sometimes i express thing using the wrong vocabulary.

i want a girl that is simple , clean , takes care of her self but not a phyco that has one thing on her mind and one thing only , shoes and clothes and the money in her pocket , i wish i could find a girl that is willing to share what she has with me , a girl willing to split even the tinniest bite of a sandwich with me even if its undividable and enough for one , i want a girl that dresses properly and simply , doesn't wear tones of accesorries and runs after the latest do and dont on faggish magazines , since at the end fashion isnt wearing what others wear , fashion is knowing what to wear and what suites you!@!!!!

there alote more shit i have in mind but seriously i can put them down here since people will be offended but whatever , its my life and the life of my companion whats at stake so i seriously dont care what people think i just care for one thing which is why do they think in the way that they think !!!!!!!!!